Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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