Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
