i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
