Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
