it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
