It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
