The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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