I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
