sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
