Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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