this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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