I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
