There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
