yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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