..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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