Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
