We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
