Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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