I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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