FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
