I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When are your genitals available?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
