happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
