Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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