shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
