we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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