Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
