why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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