At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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