New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
