I just pynch a tree in the face
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
