I love black thongs
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
