Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
