I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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