He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
