So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
