thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
