Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Congratulations! We have a period
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
