break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
