I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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