You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
