the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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