i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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