did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
