just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the day after is always just damage control
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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