Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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