If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
