What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
