Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
