I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
