I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
