If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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