it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
