I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
