Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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