Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
