i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
