Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
