Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
