Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
